It seems like it was only yesterday when I looked at my countdown app and saw that I only had 50 days left here. And I have to be honest, there were tears in my eyes, both of happiness and sadness. And today I looked at the app again. And there it was. I tried not to see it. I tried to close my eyes and close the app, but it was too late. I already saw the number of days left here in the USA. I tried to forget it. I tried to change the date of my countdown app. But I couldn’t fool myself. I couldn’t change anything about it. 16 days it is. And again, my eyes were full of tears. Tears of happiness and tears of sadness.

My friends and family in the Netherlands keep texting me. They are counting down too. They text me that they can’t wait till I’m back. And I agree with them. I tell them I can’t wait either. But then there are also my American friends that keep telling and texting me that they don’t want me to go back, that they want me to stay and that they want me to never leave. And I agree with them. I don’t wanna leave either. I feel weird. I tell myself, Fleur just make a choice. It’s okay to say that you want to go back, and it’s also okay to say that you wanna stay. But the problem is, I can’t make a choice. I keep trying, but I just can’t. So, Dutchies I am not lying that I can’t wait to see y’all again, and Americans, I really don’t want to leave.

As I said, the last few weeks flew by. I did a lot of things and prom was one of them. It was something people had been talking about for a while. I was so excited, I finally got to experience a real American prom! I didn’t have a date, so I went to prom with friends. After 3 hours of makeup, hair and all that stuff I got picked up by my friends. We went to the park here in Kerrville to take some prom pictures and after that we went out for dinner to an Italian restaurant. We had a lot of fun, after dinner we hung out for a bit and then we went to prom. Prom was at Schreiner University, which is a community college here in Kerrville. The theme of prom was ‘night in New Orleans’ and they decorated the room so pretty! And I have to be honest, prom was pretty lame. I had higher expectations. Nobody was really dancing, the music was bad (reaaaally bad) and everybody was just kinda standing and sitting around. But overall, I had a good time and it was really cool to see everybody all dressed up. Because every single person does their very best to look beautiful. And they spend a lot of money on it too, people had dresses from above 300 dollars and then they went and got their hair and nails done. So, yeah, a lot of money is spent on those prom days.

In my last blog I wrote that my double partner and I were going to regionals for tennis. If I remember correctly, the tournament was on April the 19^th and 20^th. I was so excited, but sadly, we lost in our first round. It was a very close match, and I really enjoyed playing it. It was bittersweet. This was the end of my tennis season here in the USA. I was so sad it was over because I had so much fun with my team and it really made my year better. But I knew I could be proud of myself for coming this far. So as I said: bittersweet.

A month or two ago the school told me that they don’t allow me to graduate here. That was a bummer. I have been here the whole year working as hard as all the other students, getting good grades and be at school. But they don’t let me. Classmates kept asking me if I was able to graduate, so I told them that I was not. Because my classmates thought that was stupid they wrote a petition. A petition to let Fleur graduate. There were a lot of people wanting to sign it and after a lot of signatures they gave it to the principal. A day later I got called into the principal’s office and he said he received the petition and that he tried to convince the schoolboard to let me graduate. Sadly, they didn’t let me. So I am not allowed to graduate, which really sucks, because I wanted to do that so bad. But I think it is so sweet that all the seniors at least tried to convince the school and to help me. And because they did that, the principal made it possible for me to join all the senior activities next week. So I can go on the senior trip and I can go to project graduation.

This week is my last real week of school. Next week on Monday and Tuesday we have to take some tests to finish the year. On Wednesday all the seniors are going to practice graduation, and because I don’t graduate I don’t have to go, so I have a day off. On Thursday we are going on our senior trip. I don’t know exactly what we are going to do. And Friday is gonna be bittersweet. The day of graduation. And despite the fact that I’m not in the graduation ceremony, of course I’m going to see all of my friends graduate. I might just sit in a cap and gown in the audience, out of protest hahaha. And after that school is officially over. Then I have a week left here in the USA. I don’t really have plans yet for those last 7 days, but I know for sure I’ll make the best out of those days.

Lots of love,

Fleur

“So, here you are, too foreign for home, too foreign for here. never enough for both.”